Recently I have some repressed emotions & they have come to the surface. I allow them to be free in my self love. It has taken a year or more to really see what is true and that my thoughts were over taking my life, with shoulds of society in my head that where well meaning, it will work, it will get you a living, it will get you known and it does not make me happy, even if it’s linked to art because it’s making money.
I do it for it to unfold in my self love, with that truth I have all, ever present in it’s good health and abundant love of what makes me happy, even if it take time to make, as I will be far happier in that time than in that other space of preconceptions.
NO PRECONCEPTIONS :)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Also just putting pretty things in my outward journey or obsessiveness with spiritually on top of the anger of this does not help just makes it darker. There has been moments of trust but I kept allowing the old back in.
I have found by letting anger in with the self love of quiet space and time out has helped to be honest with myself to allow the more expanded self emerge take time out. Personally I am blessed with time to do this and thank the universe for this, as if I was in a full time job, children and other commitments, it would be a sudden change & risk or a slower path to unfolding the healing, although the time I have can be the to much thinking time & no action due to the fear of say what I want to do, not what is best for me in the preconceptions.
I have held back through the fear of what is safe being an easy solution and because it does means being on a budget, but if I stop letting those realist thoughts kill my heartfelt growth, then it will appear by allowing the emotion with love, the budget will disappear regardless of outcome. The budget allows the nothing for the real love and abundance to come, leaving the blank canvas, the meaningless of life.
Which has been trying my patience to the fact that I wanted to get out there but had other things I wanted to do before I take a leap to do my new ideas of talks and public art practice ideas which have been a emerging in my love cocoon of a studio ready for the true fun to begin.
The fact is it’s ok to be in a cocoon as thats the butterflys time to become her self. Money or social pressure to conform has no factor in this. I only allow what was true for that will always follow with good and will alway have all I need from this, to be myself on step at a time as a continuous artwork.
When in it’s cocoon all it needs is the darkness of the cocoon with love, because the caterpillars death is its continuum and rebirth to its real self.
So what I have found is that when I surrender to death and know I am done, filled the caterpillars feed of experience, ready for another rebirth, I die into a cocoon.
Then I become a cocoon, ready to allow the shadow to heal, ready to die and let be, knowing that there is no meaning, only what I love to do, no deep spiritual meaning, no pretense just one cocoon, one day at a time till I rebirth my new way. No more self blame or resenting what is advice from family, friends or society,media, as with this self love mass consciousness become all our self love, just allow my passion to cocoon and emerge.
WHILE I HATCH FROM MY COCOON THIS VIDEO IS VERY RELAXING & MOTIVATING TO MY SOUL. ALLOWING MY OWN SELF, MY OWN TRUTH, MY OPENNESS & SELF LOVE TO BLOSSOM INTO MY OWN CHOICES OF WHAT I WISH TO BE. FOR THE LOVE OF NOTHING & MY INNER CHILD’S HEART. TO KNOW SHE HAS ALL THAT IS FOR ALL THAT I AM IN ALL MY GLORY AS A SELF EXPRESSION OF MY OWN DIVINITY AND CURRENT LIFE TIME. NOTHING IS LEFT IN MY AWAKENING I EXPRESS IT ALL.
I LOVE YOU INNER CHILD YOU ARE MY GUIDE, THANK YOU FOR ALL THAT YOU ARE, MY GREATEST TEACHER XXX I HEAR YOU, I LOVE FOREVER MY BEST FRIEND.